Okay, folks, let's get this straight. If you're going to censor your swear words here, learn how to properly convert. (And some of you seem to find it necessary. Fuckers.) Here's a rundown of the do's and don'ts:

Do's:

1) Use replacement characters that make sense, if possible. It's "$h!t" and "@$$," not "#@it" and "**s" . What the hell does "**s" mean?

2) Be consistent. You can't say "That b!tch's cunt was so tight my c**k felt like a forearm in a blood-pressure cuff." What's the point of censoring if you're going to throw around FCC-Award Winners in the same sentence? Do it right or don't do it at all. Besides, if someone was reading that sentence, he or she is probably not going to appreciate your conscientious censoring regardless of how you spell "cvnt."

3) Censor in the proper place. I.e., "M-fuckers," as in "Those M-Fuckers at the Salvation Army can kiss my @$$." It's "Mother-F'ers" or "M-Fers" or Mutha-fu**ers).

4) If you're going to use a generic swear word replacement using punctuation marks, at least be somewhat creative. "!@#$%" may be easy to type, but it shows a lack of commitment. Get it right, #@!!%!.

5) Context is key. "Her %*@# was so fine I could have died and gone to heaven." Her what? Her pussy? Ass? Box? Left tit?

Don'ts

1) Don't bother with the multiple-word censor attempts if you can't back it up with some damn good prose. This is especially true if you haven't set up the proper context (see #5 above). "I was #$@!% my teacher so hard I could feel her !$@* through my #@!*^." Look, it's too much to try and parse that, buddy. I can't even figure out what I was saying when I wrote that, and I typed it two seconds ago.

2) Don't mix and match. Don't use both "Sh!tbag" and "$hitbag" in the same sentence. You wouldn't say "I went down on her three times and she jerked me off 3 times and blew me twice. I got the better deal."

3) Don't use the underscore (as in s___). This isn't hangman, damnit.

Finally, who are you trying to fool? If you do go to a web site that censors swear words, don't use them to begin with. At Craigslist, don't swear in your "For Sale" or job hunting ad, and be judicious if you're trying to get a date (except in M4M, where swearing helps measurably).

Cheers, a$$hat.


this is in or around In or around the MPAA